Hello again!  I pray everyone had a relaxing Memorial Day holiday.  Instead of enjoying BBQ or playing on the water, we decided to potty train my daughter.  We celebrated the holiday with several loads of laundry, rug cleaner and Tylenol.

At last the night came and as I drifted to sleep I was spiritually attacked.  As stated in my Spiritual Warfare #1 posting, I’ve been attacked several times however recent attacks have been when #1) I’m asleep or #2) falling asleep.  I began to relax and was quickly prompted to look to my left followed by a feeling of fear.  After a day of running after a toddler, I refused to look so the attack continued as I walked to my daughter’s room as she was crying out.  Immediately I recognized what was going on and I demanded in Jesus’s name for the demon to leave and having authority over my daughter for the demon to leave her alone too.  The words continued to flow and the feelings of fear lifted.

Since she cried out the rest of the night, I took the opportunity to talk to I AM and here’s what we talked about…

As always, I AM’s responses to me are italicized.

Why do I get spiritually attacked when I’m trying to fall asleep?  At one of my weakest times you allow an attack, why is that?

To point yourself back to me.

Okay but I’m falling asleep, how can I point back to you when my body is resting?

Are you resting in me?  You don’t tell me good night. You don’t talk to me before going to sleep like you do The Hubs.  Are you really resting in me?

Well you have a point.

Learn how to actually rest in Me and see what happens.


You know the answer to that.

Okay, (as I’m smiling)

Now go back to rest.  Today is going to be hard.

Thanks for the warning! I love you Daddy.

And I love you Faith.

Yes, as you read this journal I questioned I AM on why things happened.  As you know in Job 1:12, The LORD gave Satan permission to attack Job.  I AM is in charge of the enemy and still has to report back to I AM.  This brings me comfort because I know I AM is still in charge, will allow bad things to happen for his good and I’ll always be in good hands.

Another interesting part of this journal is I AM’s reminder for me to rest in Him.  Reread the story of when I AM first called Samuel particularly where Samuel was lying down to rest (1 Samuel 3:3).  Samuel was resting in the house of the LORD where the ark of God was.  He was so close to I AM!!  I know we can’t sleep in a church however we can remember to talk to I AM before falling asleep, as I AM kindly reminded me.

As Matthew 11:28-29 reminds us:

“…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy lade, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden in light.”

No reason to fear

I hope everyone had a relaxing Spring Break.  Over in my world, we had a week full of sickness and uncertainty.  One day my preemie is playing in the muddy water and the next he has a fever.  So, after 3 days of fever we headed to the doctor for a wonderful diagnosis of pneumonia!  We were blessed that it was so early in the illness that a dose of antibiotics resolved it and we didn’t have to go down the road of respiratory treatments for wheezing.

During this time, I began to fear talking to Jesus.  Well, I’ve always heard from God however whenever Jesus talks to me, I begin to distance myself and He asked me why.  When I became a Christ follower I fell in love with Jesus.  I wanted to know more about Him and His character, everything I could read I did.  And now as I look back on that time, I never allowed myself to be LOVED by HIM.

Well, here is the first of many conversations concerning my fear for Him to love me…

As always the italicized sentences are Jesus’s responses to me.


Jesus I do not have an answer for you – why do I fear coming to you?  Everything I know about you and everything I say about you, teach about you contradicts fearing you yet I do.  I think maybe it is fearing to get to know you and allowing myself to be loved by you.  Daddy God is Father and He gives instruction with love, you only want to love and I don’t know how to accept pure love.

What can I do to make it easier for you to accept my love?

There is nothing you can do Jesus except work in my heart so I can accept.  I believe loves comes with a cost, a condition.  If you do this, then you get loved.  If you don’t behave in a certain way, you don’t get love.

But that’s not love.

Then tell me what love is.

Love is a mountain that can’t be moved.  Love is a river that keeps flowing and never stops.  Love is like the wind, always there even if you don’t feel it.  Love is Me.  You know I died on the cross so you can have easy access to our Father.  I also died because of love.  Love of the future, present and past.  There is nothing you can do to earn my love.  No amount of right decisions or behaviors will get my love as I already love you.  Even at your lowest point I love you to bring you back up.  Even with no makeup and hair a mess, I love you.  There is no fear in me loving you, you shouldn’t fear to let me love you.

It is easier to tell others about your love than me just letting you love me.

I know easier said than done but let me.  Let’s try together.  I will not leave you alone in the storm.  I will calm it.  You are protected with me.  Whatever life throws your way, I am here loving you.  Let me.

Go now and let that sink in.

Whoever has ears, let him hear. Matthew 11:15